It has been some weeks now since I, Daring Dexter the Dangerous, Distractible, and Daunting Dinosaur returned from my first great adventure. Up until a little under a month, I lived my whole life trapped and caged as a prisoner to a people tribe. To these people, and particularly their younglings, I was little more than a plaything. They afforded even their feline pets more respect than me, and when I was not being abused through some rigorous torture known as "playtime" I was left forgotten and alone in some corner of their dwelling.
Then, towards the ending of the month of July, an opportunity presented itself to me. I heard whisperings throughout my captors of a great journey to some far off land referred to simply as "Misery." It seemed that some of my captors, along with fellow peoples from other local tribes, planned to sally forth and explore the great rivers in this land of misery. Dangerous and daunting as this journey sounded, never before had I been presented with the opportunity to explore unknown lands outside my captors' territory let alone the wild and untamed waters of a foreign land. I did not know whether or not I would ever have another chance to seize freedom, and I did not hesitate.
Unknown to the peoples, I slipped aboard their transport before they set forth and stowed away among their feet for the journey. By the time they discovered my presence, it was too late. I had made it! Even if I was still in their custody, I had escaped their boundaries of their territory and I was on my way to a new, exciting, and dangerous land. They couldn't turn back, and they couldn't risk abandoning me for fear that I would escape to my people and lead a rebellion against them. instead, the were forced to accept my company and include me in their exploration.
The journey was much longer than I anticipated, but as soon as we arrived in the land of Misery, I knew I had to act quickly. There were many peoples present not from my captors' tribe, and I knew that they would soon also try to assert some form of foolish dominance over me if I didn't establish myself in a place of authority within our gathering.
Those who expressed displeasure with my inclusion in the mission were quickly dealt with. Freedom comes with a price, but it was a price I was willing to pay. Never again would I allow myself to be mistreated and looked down upon by the peoples. My own cleverness and quick thinking had brought me to land of Misery, and my natural survival instinct and fighting prowess allowed me to quickly rise through the ranks. In the great scheme of things, what did it matter if a few whining and complaining peoples were displaced along the way?
Despite my innate talents, however, I knew that I wouldn't be able to overcome the united forces of all the peoples. There were simply too many of them and they are, quite frankly, just too large. So, I knew I would also need to establish a following within their ranks that would support my rise to power. After careful consideration, I determined that PJ, a.k.a. the man with the funny hat, to be the most likely candidate. Like me, he is merciless in his leadership and unwaveringly stubborn. Indeed, I saw much of myself in this aging people, and I knew that out of all his companions, he was the most likely to aid me.
It did not take long for me to win both his trust and his friendship, and together we managed to thoroughly establish our dominance among this new tribe of explorers as the irrefutable leaders. Our plans were great, our methods ruthless, and our determination absolute. When we finally set out upon the waters of Misery to begin our expedition in earnest, I could taste my newfound freedom and power in the air around me.
The journey through the winding waters of Misery was admittedly difficult, but this was due primarily to the fact that the paddle give me was designed for people sized hands. Of course, I dared not allow the peoples around me to witness my struggle, and despite the challenges I faced, I managed to perform quite admirably. We made great progress throughout the first day of our expedition and saw many rather extraordinary sights along the way.
The more ground we covered, the more I realized what all I had been missing in my captivity. So far, our surroundings failed to live up to the name of Misery bestowed upon them by the peoples, and I was constantly in awe of the beauty surrounding me on all sides. The lands we passed through were not simply aesthetically pleasing, however. They were all filled will all manner of delicious insects and delectable fishes for the eating. While many of my people companions were irked by the constant buzzing of the local bugs, I remained quite content and satiated for the duration of our journey.
Unfortunately, our progress was hindered somewhat by the need for my people companions to consume things other than insects, and there were a number of times each day that we would have to shore our vessels and wait until all members of the party had sufficiently gorged themselves. One thing I will say about the peoples' peculiar choices in food, however, is that there red, sticky sticks are quite enjoyable. My ally PJ generously shared some of his catch with me, and I while I initially accepted merely out of politeness, I found his offering too be most satisfying.
From there on out, I was more willing to experiment and expose myself to the people food all around me. During our morning meal one day, I stealthily commandeered an entire plate of people food right from under the nose of a particularly unobservant and wayward people. By the time he realized what had happened, I had eaten my fill of his portion and once again found it quite to my liking. The peoples' primary hunter and food supplier proved to be rather skilled at his position within our company, and the meal I consumed that morning was made all the sweeter due to my skill in swiping it out from under the less than watchful eyes of its owner. The poor fool attempted to accuse me of taking what was his, but by that point, I had earned the love and respect of the rest of our company. He complaints went unheard and his belly went empty until the next meal thanks to my cunning.
As I said before, we passed through many remarkable locations during our exploration, and I thoroughly enjoyed the multiple opportunities we had to bank our vessels and trudge through the unknown woodlands and outcroppings beyond the river's edge. At one point we found a large, or at least large for me, waterfall cascading down rather stunning moss covered stones. My longer legged companions were able to clamber up their wet slippery surfaces with ease, but due to my size, it took all my substantial cunning and dexterity to traverse the uneven terrain. It was certainly worth the effort, however, because the resulting views were superb.
At another stop, we found a wonderfully quiet cove fed by an underground cold-water spring that sat at the base of a great rock face. Unfortunately, many of my less mature and rambunctious companions failed to appreciate the tranquility and peacefulness of the cove and proceeded to prance around in the water for the duration of our time there. Thankfully, I did get the opportunity to bask in its quiet beauty for a few moments before they disrupted my meditations.
While my peoples party members frolicked about in the spring water, I ventured up to the top of the cliff face to admire a more undisturbed view of the land. Along the path leading up to the overhang, I discovered an old abandoned peoples hospital built near the spring for its supposed healing properties. The hospital was crumbling and overgrown in many ways, but its dark and spooky appearance appealed to my inner warrior and hunter spirit.
Continuing up the path toward the top of the rocky overhang, I discovered that once again I was put at a natural disadvantage due to my size. There were several places where I had to clamber up sheer rock walls more than three times my height that one of the peoples could have crawled up with minimal effort. Thankfully, nature is not entirely unkind and my smaller size was is made up for in my greater ingenuity, speed, intelligence, and agility. After some time and a few creative jumps, I managed to overcome all the obstacles standing between me and my desired view.
At the top of the cliff were a number of trees whose peeling park offered me excellent hand and foot holds. I managed to climb up onto the branch of one with a particularly convenient shape and was offered a most excellent view of the river and woodlands below. While my childish companions enjoyed splashing about in the cove below, I had an opportunity to marvel at the great expanse of unexplored and unconquered land below that stretched out for miles and miles in every direction.
I realized then that my mission in Misery went far beyond simply exploring the unknown. No, it dawned on me that I had escaped the captive confines of my oppressive peoples tribe for a reason. Misery was a land that needed as master, and who was better suited to be its master than I, Dexter the Dinosaur? Already, I had proven myself more than capable of overcoming its threatening terrain on several occasions, and if I chose to establish my dominance over the land, there wasn't a single people or creature that could stop me as long as I timed my plans perfectly.
It was there on top of that cliff that I realized what my destiny truly was. Deep down, I knew I could never have gone back with my companions to their land, because there I would be once again pressed into a slavery that I would never again tolerate. No, instead, I would rise to a position of authority and power within this new land, and all who dared to oppose me would come to learn what it meant to invade Misery, territory of the great Dexter.
I spent the remainder of our travels carefully laying the groundwork for my plan. Most of my companions would either never see my move coming or would ultimately be willing to hand over control of Misery to me as long as I let them leave alive. There were one or two peoples that I knew would object to my power play, and so they had to be removed. Like all who dare oppose me, they met a quiet and subtle end. The rest of our party hardly even noticed they were gone.
At long last, the day before we were supposed to finish our expedition and leave Misery behind, I set my plans into motion. All of the peoples were gathered in our campsite; they were cornered with nowhere to run without me noticing, and I revealed to all of them that I would be staying behind as the official dictator of the newfound lands we had explored. Several of them objected initially, but with much growling, snarling, and flashing of my pointed teeth, I managed to intimidate them into silence.
After they gave up on beating down my resolve through shouts and complaints, they resorted to begging. Clearly they understood that once I was in charge of Misery, I would have the time and resources to build up an army that would eventually allow me to conquer all the lands of the peoples. I will admit that this is what I planned to do in time, but I wasn't about to admit that to them. Instead, I assured them that those who peacefully accepted my new position as Supreme Overlord of Misery would be allowed to depart with their lives unsoiled and their limbs attached to their bodies.
Eventually, they seemed to accept the inevitable and their complaints quieted. I was feeling quite please with myself when one of them suggested that, if I was truly about to become a Supreme Overlord, we should celebrate. Truthfully, I had not been expecting any of them to embrace my declaration so fully, and I was more than willing to accept a feast being thrown in my honor.
For the first time during the journey, I was offered some of the peoples' favorite elixir. There was a beverage they carried about in sealed metallic cases that only eldest and most highly respected peoples of the company had been allowed to consume during our exploration, but in light of my new position, the peoples wisely decided that I had earned the right to participate in the consumption of this elixir. As it turned out, the strange beverage, like most the peoples' food had proven to be, was quite desirable and strangle addictive. Over the course of the celebration, I consumed metallic case after metallic case of the substance and enjoyed myself greatly.
Little did I know that it was all an unusually clever ploy of the peoples to thwart my grand plans. Apparently the human elixir is not meant for dinosaurs for it did something very peculiar to me. After some hours, I felt the beverage begin to have strange effects on me. My normally razor sharp cleverness was dulled, and my keen senses felt muffled after the fourth or fifth case of the beverage. At some point, the effects of the drink proved too strong for me to handle, and I actually lost consciousness.
Those traitorous peoples had tricked me. My mysterious coma lasted just long enough for them to break camp and trap me once again. When I finally awoke and regained awareness of my surroundings, we were already speeding back to the home territory of my captors. My brief glimpse of freedom and my fleeting bid for power had been once again snatched from me by the oddly resourceful peoples.
Since that time, I have been recovering from the ill impact the elixir had on me. I have no wasted that time with wallowing in my own grief and ill fortune, however. No, instead I have plotted and planned. I refuse to give up on being free of the peoples' control now that I know what it is like beyond the boundaries of their land and how it feels to freely explore the unknown. Some day, I will find another opportunity open to me, and next time Dexter the Dinosaur has a chance for an adventure, it will not end in captivity.
This has been the account of my first great adventure but not my last!
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