For All the World's a Stage...

...And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts. 

~ William Shakespeare

I wrote a post last semester about trespassing into an entirely new world within the realm of the university when I auditioned for production theatrical in nature at my school. Well, while I didn't initially make it into the cast, someone fell through, and I found out the final week of classes lass semester that I had been accepted into the thespian inclined ranks of college actors. Now, after three nights of rehearsing with people I will likely see as much or more than my own family over the next month, I feel like I have enough material to write the next post documenting my artistic adventures. 

Monday of this week was not only the first day of classes, but it was also the first day of rehearsal. Tentatively I walked through the door of the "conference room" for the arts department and entered into a faction of the university previously shrouded in mystery for me. 

Now, I can't remember whether or not I've mentioned this before in any of my posts, but I'm an accounting major. I do know I've mentioned that I work in the math tutoring center as well. Neither math nor business are subjects typically associated with the filed of acting as far as I am aware, so I expected going into this that I would be goose among ducks so to speak, and after the first rehearsal my suspicions were confirmed. Everyone else in the cast just so happens to actually be an acting major or minor. I'm the only one on the team crazy enough to attempt this without planning to make a career out of it. 

Fortunately, through working in the university box office as an usher, and through attending the audition workshop last year, there were several people in the crowd that I had at least met before so sitting down at the conference table wasn't as bad as it could have been. However, I still felt a little bit uneasy and like I didn't belong, not necessarily because anyone was making me feel that way, but precisely because everyone else carried on "normally," continued their conversations, and barely reacted (if they reacted at all) to my entrance. Perhaps I am too vain, but I was expecting at least some acknowledgement of the fact that I had suddenly walked in on a group of people who had almost all been through the entire rehearsal to performance cycle with each other before. 

Honestly, I felt a little bit like an intruder, but one that nobody particularly minded being there. 

Thankfully however, I'm quite the extrovert and I hold the philosophy that if you want to be part of a group, you interject yourself and make yourself part of it. I arrived about half an hour early, and by the time we officially started, I had exchanged a few words and names with the gents around me, and had at least established who I was and why the heck I was there. Also, someone needed  a highlighter and I'd brought one, so they declared I was the hero of the night. 

The first half an hour or so of "rehearsal" was dedicated to a presentation by all of our tech people where we got to see concept art for costumes, the set, and lighting. I don't think I'm technically supposed to divulge any of the secrets about our non-traditional setting for the play, (oh, I think I forgot to mention that we're doing a watered down version of Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream" to be performed for local grade school children.... I'll just insert that here in the middle of another thought.) so I won't give away and secrets about my costume or what kind of scenery we'll have, but I got to find out all of that Monday night. 

Once our tech crew disbanded and fled into the night, we got to do what every college student becomes a master at doing after their first week of classes. We went around in a circle introducing ourselves and sharing an interesting fact or two about our lives. As I usually do, I threw out my typical "shocker" facts and told everyone I had been homeschooled and was the third oldest in a family of ten kids. The guy next to me immediately asked if I was amish, to which I replied in the negative. 

"Are you sure you aren't amish? With a name like Nicholai and a family that big..." 

Once again, I assured him that I was not a member of the amish faction, and we proceeded around the table to finish out intros. One of my fellow actresses can cluck frighteningly like a chicken. 

Following intros we read through the script, and disbanded until the following night. 

After that first night I had established a couple of things. (1) I was going to be able to do this. (2) The people I am working with a extremely different from me. (3) The fact that we are a "Children's Play" does not mean the behind the scenes work is "Children's" by any stretch of the imagination. (4) I can handle 2 and 3... probably. (5) This is going to be a worthwhile experience, that I won't regret... probably. 

(1) was mostly certainly not something I was certain about even when I initially chose to take a stab at auditions. After initially being rejected... er... turned down, I thought it was quite likely for the best considering all the other obligations I had volunteered for. As I have already mentioned, I felt a little bit like I was trespassing into a world that I didn't particularly belong in, but while I did determine that theater would not at all be the place for me long term, I am pretty confident that I have what it takes to get through four months of it and enjoy it while doing so. 

I mean, I signed up for this because I enjoy acting and like the prospect of performing for 6000+ kids in a week so it isn't like I'm dreading it at all. 

Now, I can't say that (2) and (3) were really that much of a surprise, but they were kind of a disappointment. It cannot be said that I've found a terribly large number of like minded souls within the walls of my university, so I wasn't expecting to find my doppelganger among the ranks of theater majors, but I was hoping to at least find something that I could latch unto that would give me a connection to these folks. As it is, I think we'll just have to stick to the fact that we're all in this play, enjoy theater, and are working towards a common goal. To be fair, those are all pretty significant factors, I just doubt that we're going to remain bosom friends after the curtain comes down. 

A sad truth, but one that I'll live through and learn from. 

I mentioned (5) because I definitely don't want to give anyone the impression that I am rethinking the wisdom of my decision to audition and accept me role. This is something that I truly want to do, and it is something that I will benefit from greatly. It is another door for me to put a foot in, and another skill to acquire. It opens the window into another world for me to learn how to understand and appreciate even if I never become part of it. Honestly, when it comes down to it, this whole experience is going to have the same love hate relationship I have with my entire college experience. Why? Because while I can't stand the controversy and the nagging sense of isolation, I can't help loving it at the same time. 

The past two nights we worked on blocking the first two thirds of the play. Because we have to perform two back to back shows every morning for a week, the whole thing can only run 50 minutes so blocking one of the three parts only takes one practice (which is good, because we only have three weeks of practices). I have a pretty minor role with very few lines, so I haven't actually had to stay for the entirety of a rehearsal yet, but both practices have been quite the learning experience. 

We have started, and will continue to start, with a variety of warm ups including saying tongue twisters as fast as we can, doing lip trills, and passing "BA's!" back and forth to each other in a circle. As of right now, I am terrible at tongue twisters, but I have requested a list of the most commonly used ones from my directory and plan to rectify that situation before all is done and over with. I don't like being the worst in a group at something, so even when I have no hope of actually succeeding, I will always do my best to rise above whatever is standing between me and my actually displaying some sort of talent. 

After warm ups, we headed straight into blocking which turns out to be a process very similar to that introduced to me by the Duchess in my past theatrical experiences, only she didn't curse to demonstrate the types of emotions we were supposed to be displaying during those practices. (Thank you Duchess Olivia for your composure.) I have established my character as the moron of the group that falls down when able and doesn't have a clue of what's ever going on. (Acting becomes really easy when you just have to be yourself!) 

I enjoy it the most when I have an assigned task to perform, because when I don't... well... I'm left with still trying to establish where I belong among my fellow cast members. 

Right now, I feel kind of like a spider inching onto a web other than its own and uncertain about the strength and nature of the territory it is infringing upon. Every step of the way I'm testing the durability of the string upon which I am attempting to walk. At times the tension seems palpable and I feel like it a very thin thread indeed. At times I start to feel like I am almost settling in and figuring out what role I am supposed to operate within, and then something disturbs the web and I get a flash of... not hostility... but resistance. The temperament of my fellow cast is certainly more open than most of my classmates, but it is not that of my good friends. In my testing and tip-toeing about I have already seen glimpses or personalities that would not appreciate me settling into the personality I adopt for when I dwell among my closest peers. 

Obviously, we're still in the early stages of everything, and time will probably allow me to get a better sense of what I'm supposed to be doing and who I'm supposed to be, but I've set myself up to be the one spearheading the group as much as possible in the last few years and I haven't had experience with really being at the bottom of the pecking order since ye olde brother of mine moved out and I started forming friendships of my own instead of trying to tag along for the ride whenever he did something with his pals. I can't say it is a position I feel entirely comfortable in, and yet I acknowledge it is a role I need to learn how to handle. 

There is a lot of motivational propaganda that floats about, especially on the internet, these days about staying true to yourself and not trying to be what other people want you to be, and to a certain extent I will raise my glass to such a mantra, but it is also true that I admittedly have a variety of masks that I wear depending on my social surrounding. Shakespeare is entirely right when he says that the world is a stage and that a man plays many parts. 

My role changes depending on those who around me, and where I am, and I adjust as necessary to meet the requirements of the present day. I am one person around me family, another around my classmates, yet another at work, and again another with my friends. Now I am fashioning a new mask for a new role in the world of university theater. I don't think any one of these Nick's is the "true one" but rather each is a reflection of one aspect of my personality or another that I choose to show based on what's going on at the time. 

It seems ironic that I would have such a hard time determining my role and learning how to play my part among actors. 

I think the greatest challenge for me, and honestly the one I am looking forward to the most, is not going to be getting on stage and delivering my lines to hundreds of people. Instead it is going to be figuring out how to operate in a new world among new people, and if I am successful, that is a skill that I can be proud of and that I can apply to every day of my life from here onward. 

Because that's the big question isn't it? 

What's my part? Or if you prefer, what's my vocation? 

What role must I play? 

Who am I supposed to be? Here. Now. In this time, in this place, and with these people. 

All the men and women are merely players, and in our time we have our exists and our entrances. In my time I shall play many parts, and they shall all be mine, and I shall make them the best parts they could possibly be. This whole experience with my school's theater department and this play are an opportunity for me to once again find my place, my identity, and my role within a part of society. A new facet of my vocation has been unearthed, and another part has been given me. 

What about you? What's your part? What's your vocation? 

This world is full of a lot of thin webs to walk upon, but you'll never really know yourself until you take a step out there and take the plunge. 

Think on that. 

I know I do. 

Pax