The Cinematic Commentary

Recently I've been doing some thinking about movies.

Last week I introduced a friend to Iron Man for the first time, the new Disney movie Frozen and the slightly less new Tangled have been pretty big topics of conversation among my social circle, and my Sociology class is putting an emphasis both on the general commentary of film and the Hunger Games in particular. These four rather different films don't really have anything particular in common, but movies in general have been floating around in my head, and since I know the readers of this blog just wait with baited breath between my posts, I thought I would share these mental meanderings with all of you.

Also, my university closed today in light of the weather so I can actually justify taking the time to write something.

While my Sociology professor and I have some pretty significant variations in opinion on some pretty fundamentally important issues, we both agree that movies all have an overarching commentary that goes beyond the story displayed to viewers at face value. In some situations, like in Avatar this commentary is pretty frank and obvious, but in other movies the purpose or message behind a film is pretty subtle. In movies like Iron Man, Frozen, and Tangled that seem to exist solely for the sake of entertaining a target audience (albeit pretty different ones) and reaping the financial rewards, underlying political, social, religious, and ethical messages don't necessarily seem entirely obvious or prevalent. Still though, I would argue that even movies that seem to center entirely around thematic adventures and explosions (like Avengers) there are ideas and opinions being expressed and a story being told that goes beyond aliens invading the city of New York.

I think this stems largely from the fact that movies are made by human beings, and when people create a form of art, to some extent they put their beliefs and worldviews into what they are creating. When we watch a film, even one without a story based on political opinion, I think we are given a glimpse into the opinions and beliefs of that films creator even if we can't predict them with absolute certainty, and I would also argue that there is almost always something that a film's creator intends for their audience to get out of their film.

As I go through rehearsals for this production I am going to be in at my university, I am developing and watching my fellow cast members develop back-stories to their characters, and I am hearing my director paint a picture of the kind of world in which our theatrically presented story is supposed to exist. Many of these details will very likely be completely missed by our audience; certainly they are not expressed in the script itself, but they form a background commentary surrounding the main story of the play that our director and our cast is hoping our audience will perceive.

This whole idea of subtle, opinionated messages being presented to use under the guise of harmless children and action films poses some of the same kinds of risks I mentioned in my past blog post about music and the kind of subconscious impact that songs have on us and our emotions. It can be kinda scary to think that everything we watch, and our children watch, is attempting to fashion a worldview for them through cinematic entertainment, but I don't think it is actually that hard to look anything from Sponge Bob and Happy Feet to Man of Steel and The Long Ranger and see that the movies we watch are all putting forward some kind of worldview or another.

The argument that stems from this observation is that we have to be  on guard when we watch films and let children watch films to make sure that what they/we are watching isn't attempting to teach them/us false ideas about politics, religion, social roles, and the reality in general. There is a great deal of merit, I think, to this idea in so far as it extends to teaching ourselves to actually think about what we see and hear before simply absorbing it and tucking it away into the back our heads to sit and grow, but the question I ask is: How do we actually absorb the messages we are being presented with?

I would like to believe that humanity, in general, is capable of rationally thinking about the world around them such that they are able to form intelligent decisions about how things really work without just accepting the worldviews and opinions being spoon fed to us through any kind of medium (film or otherwise). While I know it is impractical to assume that everybody actually thinks about an opinion before accepting or rejecting it, it would be foolish to suggest that even children are incapable of forming their own opinions of the films and books being presented to them beyond those intended by the author.

I have had discussions with friends of mine in the past about whether or not the intent of an art creator is the "correct" reading of that art and whether or not interpretation is entirely up to the viewer once the creator has released their work to the world at large. While I definitely think that is worthwhile to think about what a director or writer might have been thinking when fashioning their creation and about what they hoped to express, I think it is also true everyone is going to see films differently because they are going to be seeing them through a lens fashioned by their own beliefs and life experiences.

You car fight over whether or not your reading of a movie is correct, but I think we are faced with either deciding that A) there is not correct interpretation of any particular piece of art or B) the correct interpretation is the one intended by the original creator. You can likely make a good argument for either one of these stances if you try, but I don't see how you could fashion a reasonable argument around the opinion that really know what a movie is about unless are the originator of that movie, and even then your stance is up for debate.

Where am I going with this?

Wait until I finish writing and then maybe I can tell you.

So far I've proposed that all movies have some kind behind the scenes meaning being delivered, and that the meaning people are going to get out of a movie is likely to differ from person to person. If everyone is going to view a movie differently, why bother worrying about the message being presented?

Well, every movie is a piece of fiction. Even if they are "based on a true story" or a documentary, they are fashioned and constructed by individuals to serve as some kind of representation or depiction of  reality with fictional qualities. Unless we are talking about raw, unedited footage of real events not being manipulated by the one taking the film, every movie has some kind of a fictional aspect to it. Sometimes those fictional elements are really obvious (we all know New York was not really destroyed by Loki and his army alien warriors, and I am pretty confident when I say that the Hunger Games never really happened), but sometimes they aren't.

When it comes to analyzing a film and paying attention to what matters in it, I think it is a lot more important to look at how people carry out basic conversation and generally treat others than it is to dissect the climax and overall plot, because while we aren't likely to start believing in Batman's existence from film, the way that Batman behaves and the way he makes decisions are works of fiction that can easily work their way into our own day to day thoughts and behaviors.

In in a lot of movies, particularly the kind that I think my peers and those younger than I watch, it is easy to view the film for the flashy elements and entertainment factors without considering the basic views of humanity, dignity, integrity, family, and community being displayed.

When you want to seriously consider the value of a movie, look at the way that men treat women, women treat men, parents treat their children, and children react to their parents. Look at moral justifications that the villains and heroes use to explain their actions, and look at the kinds of words and actions that are deemed permissible and the ones that shunned. These are the kinds of things that play a significant part in the development of the characters we are watching on screen, but they are also the kinds of things that are easy to gloss over and absorb unconsciously in light of the grander actions occurring on screen. Ever young boy wants to be a hero like Batman, Iron Man, Spider-Man, and Superman, but when the costumes come off and they aren't saving the world, what kind of person are those heroes really? Every little girl has her favorite Disney princess, but if you put a princess's personality into a real world context, what kind of a woman are they really?

In every film there are people we are supposed to love, and people we are supposed to hate because of what they do in the course of advancing the plot, but taken out of that context, are they really people deserving our support or contempt?

Maybe they don't seem like important questions (it is all fiction after all!), but I think they are the questions worth considering; especially when young people still forming opinions about themselves, human interaction, and their roles in the world watch the movies. Even though they are fictional relationships, the relationships that people in movies have with each other are still going to have impression on us, and I think they are actually more influential the more we disregard them as being nothing more than make believe.

It is from fiction that we often derive some of greatest heroes, especially as children, and so I think it is important for us to understand what fiction is trying to tell us and what we are actually seeing, because every movie is has commentary that is going to keep running through our heads after we're done seeing it. The question is whether or not we let the movie create that commentary for us, or if we make one of our own.

I know that all of that probably came out as a scrambled discombobulation of random ideas, but such is usually the way I end up thinking. I do typically feel pretty bad when I finish writing a blog post, and look back to an almost impossible trail of thoughts that could probably be summed up in one or two sentences.

In any case, thanks for reading and think about whether or not Tony Stark is really a hero.

Pax

For All the World's a Stage...

...And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts. 

~ William Shakespeare

I wrote a post last semester about trespassing into an entirely new world within the realm of the university when I auditioned for production theatrical in nature at my school. Well, while I didn't initially make it into the cast, someone fell through, and I found out the final week of classes lass semester that I had been accepted into the thespian inclined ranks of college actors. Now, after three nights of rehearsing with people I will likely see as much or more than my own family over the next month, I feel like I have enough material to write the next post documenting my artistic adventures. 

Monday of this week was not only the first day of classes, but it was also the first day of rehearsal. Tentatively I walked through the door of the "conference room" for the arts department and entered into a faction of the university previously shrouded in mystery for me. 

Now, I can't remember whether or not I've mentioned this before in any of my posts, but I'm an accounting major. I do know I've mentioned that I work in the math tutoring center as well. Neither math nor business are subjects typically associated with the filed of acting as far as I am aware, so I expected going into this that I would be goose among ducks so to speak, and after the first rehearsal my suspicions were confirmed. Everyone else in the cast just so happens to actually be an acting major or minor. I'm the only one on the team crazy enough to attempt this without planning to make a career out of it. 

Fortunately, through working in the university box office as an usher, and through attending the audition workshop last year, there were several people in the crowd that I had at least met before so sitting down at the conference table wasn't as bad as it could have been. However, I still felt a little bit uneasy and like I didn't belong, not necessarily because anyone was making me feel that way, but precisely because everyone else carried on "normally," continued their conversations, and barely reacted (if they reacted at all) to my entrance. Perhaps I am too vain, but I was expecting at least some acknowledgement of the fact that I had suddenly walked in on a group of people who had almost all been through the entire rehearsal to performance cycle with each other before. 

Honestly, I felt a little bit like an intruder, but one that nobody particularly minded being there. 

Thankfully however, I'm quite the extrovert and I hold the philosophy that if you want to be part of a group, you interject yourself and make yourself part of it. I arrived about half an hour early, and by the time we officially started, I had exchanged a few words and names with the gents around me, and had at least established who I was and why the heck I was there. Also, someone needed  a highlighter and I'd brought one, so they declared I was the hero of the night. 

The first half an hour or so of "rehearsal" was dedicated to a presentation by all of our tech people where we got to see concept art for costumes, the set, and lighting. I don't think I'm technically supposed to divulge any of the secrets about our non-traditional setting for the play, (oh, I think I forgot to mention that we're doing a watered down version of Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream" to be performed for local grade school children.... I'll just insert that here in the middle of another thought.) so I won't give away and secrets about my costume or what kind of scenery we'll have, but I got to find out all of that Monday night. 

Once our tech crew disbanded and fled into the night, we got to do what every college student becomes a master at doing after their first week of classes. We went around in a circle introducing ourselves and sharing an interesting fact or two about our lives. As I usually do, I threw out my typical "shocker" facts and told everyone I had been homeschooled and was the third oldest in a family of ten kids. The guy next to me immediately asked if I was amish, to which I replied in the negative. 

"Are you sure you aren't amish? With a name like Nicholai and a family that big..." 

Once again, I assured him that I was not a member of the amish faction, and we proceeded around the table to finish out intros. One of my fellow actresses can cluck frighteningly like a chicken. 

Following intros we read through the script, and disbanded until the following night. 

After that first night I had established a couple of things. (1) I was going to be able to do this. (2) The people I am working with a extremely different from me. (3) The fact that we are a "Children's Play" does not mean the behind the scenes work is "Children's" by any stretch of the imagination. (4) I can handle 2 and 3... probably. (5) This is going to be a worthwhile experience, that I won't regret... probably. 

(1) was mostly certainly not something I was certain about even when I initially chose to take a stab at auditions. After initially being rejected... er... turned down, I thought it was quite likely for the best considering all the other obligations I had volunteered for. As I have already mentioned, I felt a little bit like I was trespassing into a world that I didn't particularly belong in, but while I did determine that theater would not at all be the place for me long term, I am pretty confident that I have what it takes to get through four months of it and enjoy it while doing so. 

I mean, I signed up for this because I enjoy acting and like the prospect of performing for 6000+ kids in a week so it isn't like I'm dreading it at all. 

Now, I can't say that (2) and (3) were really that much of a surprise, but they were kind of a disappointment. It cannot be said that I've found a terribly large number of like minded souls within the walls of my university, so I wasn't expecting to find my doppelganger among the ranks of theater majors, but I was hoping to at least find something that I could latch unto that would give me a connection to these folks. As it is, I think we'll just have to stick to the fact that we're all in this play, enjoy theater, and are working towards a common goal. To be fair, those are all pretty significant factors, I just doubt that we're going to remain bosom friends after the curtain comes down. 

A sad truth, but one that I'll live through and learn from. 

I mentioned (5) because I definitely don't want to give anyone the impression that I am rethinking the wisdom of my decision to audition and accept me role. This is something that I truly want to do, and it is something that I will benefit from greatly. It is another door for me to put a foot in, and another skill to acquire. It opens the window into another world for me to learn how to understand and appreciate even if I never become part of it. Honestly, when it comes down to it, this whole experience is going to have the same love hate relationship I have with my entire college experience. Why? Because while I can't stand the controversy and the nagging sense of isolation, I can't help loving it at the same time. 

The past two nights we worked on blocking the first two thirds of the play. Because we have to perform two back to back shows every morning for a week, the whole thing can only run 50 minutes so blocking one of the three parts only takes one practice (which is good, because we only have three weeks of practices). I have a pretty minor role with very few lines, so I haven't actually had to stay for the entirety of a rehearsal yet, but both practices have been quite the learning experience. 

We have started, and will continue to start, with a variety of warm ups including saying tongue twisters as fast as we can, doing lip trills, and passing "BA's!" back and forth to each other in a circle. As of right now, I am terrible at tongue twisters, but I have requested a list of the most commonly used ones from my directory and plan to rectify that situation before all is done and over with. I don't like being the worst in a group at something, so even when I have no hope of actually succeeding, I will always do my best to rise above whatever is standing between me and my actually displaying some sort of talent. 

After warm ups, we headed straight into blocking which turns out to be a process very similar to that introduced to me by the Duchess in my past theatrical experiences, only she didn't curse to demonstrate the types of emotions we were supposed to be displaying during those practices. (Thank you Duchess Olivia for your composure.) I have established my character as the moron of the group that falls down when able and doesn't have a clue of what's ever going on. (Acting becomes really easy when you just have to be yourself!) 

I enjoy it the most when I have an assigned task to perform, because when I don't... well... I'm left with still trying to establish where I belong among my fellow cast members. 

Right now, I feel kind of like a spider inching onto a web other than its own and uncertain about the strength and nature of the territory it is infringing upon. Every step of the way I'm testing the durability of the string upon which I am attempting to walk. At times the tension seems palpable and I feel like it a very thin thread indeed. At times I start to feel like I am almost settling in and figuring out what role I am supposed to operate within, and then something disturbs the web and I get a flash of... not hostility... but resistance. The temperament of my fellow cast is certainly more open than most of my classmates, but it is not that of my good friends. In my testing and tip-toeing about I have already seen glimpses or personalities that would not appreciate me settling into the personality I adopt for when I dwell among my closest peers. 

Obviously, we're still in the early stages of everything, and time will probably allow me to get a better sense of what I'm supposed to be doing and who I'm supposed to be, but I've set myself up to be the one spearheading the group as much as possible in the last few years and I haven't had experience with really being at the bottom of the pecking order since ye olde brother of mine moved out and I started forming friendships of my own instead of trying to tag along for the ride whenever he did something with his pals. I can't say it is a position I feel entirely comfortable in, and yet I acknowledge it is a role I need to learn how to handle. 

There is a lot of motivational propaganda that floats about, especially on the internet, these days about staying true to yourself and not trying to be what other people want you to be, and to a certain extent I will raise my glass to such a mantra, but it is also true that I admittedly have a variety of masks that I wear depending on my social surrounding. Shakespeare is entirely right when he says that the world is a stage and that a man plays many parts. 

My role changes depending on those who around me, and where I am, and I adjust as necessary to meet the requirements of the present day. I am one person around me family, another around my classmates, yet another at work, and again another with my friends. Now I am fashioning a new mask for a new role in the world of university theater. I don't think any one of these Nick's is the "true one" but rather each is a reflection of one aspect of my personality or another that I choose to show based on what's going on at the time. 

It seems ironic that I would have such a hard time determining my role and learning how to play my part among actors. 

I think the greatest challenge for me, and honestly the one I am looking forward to the most, is not going to be getting on stage and delivering my lines to hundreds of people. Instead it is going to be figuring out how to operate in a new world among new people, and if I am successful, that is a skill that I can be proud of and that I can apply to every day of my life from here onward. 

Because that's the big question isn't it? 

What's my part? Or if you prefer, what's my vocation? 

What role must I play? 

Who am I supposed to be? Here. Now. In this time, in this place, and with these people. 

All the men and women are merely players, and in our time we have our exists and our entrances. In my time I shall play many parts, and they shall all be mine, and I shall make them the best parts they could possibly be. This whole experience with my school's theater department and this play are an opportunity for me to once again find my place, my identity, and my role within a part of society. A new facet of my vocation has been unearthed, and another part has been given me. 

What about you? What's your part? What's your vocation? 

This world is full of a lot of thin webs to walk upon, but you'll never really know yourself until you take a step out there and take the plunge. 

Think on that. 

I know I do. 

Pax

Some Self-Reflection and a Glance Forward

I am deeply flawed person.

It probably wouldn't take someone long to come up with a list of my more glaringly obvious faults and failings. My family will tell you that I have a quick temper and a moody disposition at times. I'm sure my friends would happily tell you about my tendency to ramble and monopolize conversation, and even my classmates who typically go an entire semester without really getting to know me at all, could probably give you an idea of my overbearing and pompous personality traits. Not even those closest to me, however, have ever had the chance to actually look into my head or heart and see my most painful and crippling flaws.

Yeah, there are a lot of things wrong with me.

I'm impatient, nosy, inconsiderate, insensitive, and pushy. I spend far too little time thinking about how my words and actions will impact others, and that's usually because I'm too busy trying to figure out how to satisfy my own selfish appetites. I disregard the concerns and feelings of others when I don't think they really make any sense, or when they appear frivolous to me. Too often I fall pray to those mood swings that are always looming over me, and "Oh poor me." far too frequently becomes the chant of my mind if not my lips.

The list of things that are wrong with me is so long I can't even comprehend it.

Trying to come up with a list of New Year's resolutions is an overwhelming task, and as I look back on the past year in an attempt to take tally of the things I would like to change about myself, I am nigh overwhelmed by the terrifying weight of all the mistakes I have made and the injuries I have caused. In fact, I put into mind of a particular song from a particular musical that I fell in love with just last year.

"What have I done?
Sweet Jesus, what have I done?
Become a thief in the night
Become a dog on the run
And have I fallen so far
And is the hour so late
That nothing remains but the cry of my hate?" 

The cry of a man finally forced to face all of the wrong he has committed in his life, and nearly driven mad by the crushing, and unrelenting force that is the truth.

We deserve to die.

Like Jean Valjean in Les Miserables, every last one of us will one way or another be forced to face the fact that we are despicable, fallen, and failing sinners who deserve naught but death. Like Jean Valjean, I look back at some of my words and actions from the last year, heck even the last month, and I can only ask "What have I done? Sweet Jesus what I done?"

However, like Jean Valjean, I am not left to my own devices and doomed to face the consequences of becoming a thief in the night and a dog on the run. Despite all that he has done, Valjean finds forgiveness in Christ and the church. Despite the fact that he is faced with many, many years of hatred and wrong doing lying in his past, he at last recognizes and receives a forgiveness for all the wrong that frees him from what he describes as the whirlpool of his sin, and moves forward to become not only a better man, but a good man. Jean Valjean becomes a man who ends up dedicating his life, and in the end sacrificing it, to care for and raise a young girl to whom he is not related and to whom he legally and realistically owes nothing.

Why?

Because in being freed from the chains of guilt that plagued him, he was freed to live beyond his own failings for the sake others. Not by his own worthiness and strength, but by the worthiness and strength of the one who bought and paid for his faults, was Jean Valjean able to become a new man, a good man.

As I look back across 2013 and forward to the rest of 2014, I can only thank God that I too have be given the opportunity to be a new man, a good man, and that despite the fact that I day after day add to the list of mistakes I have made, every day I am forgiven and in that forgiveness I made a new man again.

2013 was a big year for me in a lot of ways and on a lot of levels. I made a lot of ground in both work and school. I got a driver's license and "inherited" a car. I was blessed with the opportunity to take numerous trips to visit numerous friends, and got to spend close to two fulls weeks with my lovely sister and her family from across the country. A lot happened to me as a person as well though, and I feel like passing classes and getting jobs pale in comparison to some of the lessons I've learned since January 2013. At last I was able to lay to rest some old demons that had been haunting me for some time, and with that came the opening of news doors that will hopefully carry me on to many different, and significantly better places.

More than anything else, I feel much more content than I did this time a year ago. I spent quite a bit of time in early 2013 feeling very anxious, frustrated, and restless with myself, my situation in life, where I was headed, and how fast I was getting there. I actually kind of enjoyed it when school and work were all consuming because it mean I wasn't wasting my time worrying about other things. There were loose ends from 2012 I didn't know how to take care of, and I was afraid of what the rest of the year was going to bring. I wasn't entirely confident with the path I had chosen for a degree and education, but mostly that was because I didn't know where I wanted to go or what I wanted to do with it. I was, quite simply, restless. I was struggling to redefine my identity  and what I wanted out of life, and it was driving me up the wall.

I don't feel any of that now.

As I get ready to take on 2014 when it really hits me in full force on Monday with the return of work and school, I am looking forward to the next twelve months with an optimist and enthusiasm that was definitely lacking toward the end of my winter break last year. The kind internal anguish and confusion that plagues Jean Valjean in his soliloquy, and that ranged in my own mind at various times in the last few years isn't there anymore. I feel like I new man, made new by the New Man over the past months by my friends and family who have helped me to grow and change into a better person daily, despite all those painful and shameful errors ingrained within me I mentioned earlier.

A year ago I felt like I was missing a purpose or a path to follow, but this year I have wind in my sails and something driving me. True, true, I will hit a lot of bumps in the road and you will no doubt find me complaining and whining every now and then, because my flaws aren't ever going to completely go away, but that's part of life.

2013 was a big year for me. During the twelve months it encompassed I grew a lot.

God willing, 2014 is going to be another big year, and my resolution from here on out is to keep growing, and to use my faults and failings as a starting point.

The process has already begun, really it began a little over nineteen years ago when I was first born, but in recent months I've finally gotten comfortable with embracing that fact, the fact that life is always going to consist of growing, and dieing, and being born again as a new man in the New Man. I don't necessarily need a firm destination set in place every step of the way, I don't necessarily need to be guaranteed success, and I don't have to be perfect, not on my own.

I'll make a lot of mistakes this year, and I want to apologize in advanced to all the people I'm going to hurt, offend, and upset unfairly, because I know that I will do that quite often. 

I am deeply flawed person.

Until the last day, I will continue to be so, but everyday I am also a new man, bought and paid for by the body and blood of our Lord and washed white in the blood of the Lamb. I am a deeply flawed person, but that's OK, because in the end even Javert and the Law can't call me guilty when I've been declared forgiven.

Here I stand, I can do no other.

Happy New Year and a Blessed Epiphany to you all,
Pax

The Soliloquy of Jean Valjean