Working Hard or Hardly Working?

The beginning and the end are always the hardest for me. Once I get going I rarely have trouble keeping up a great deal of momentum but I never know where to start or when to end. I have a tendency to go overboard in just about everything that I do. If I can muster up enough motivation to overcome the initial inertia than I tend to keep going until I go overboard and either cause a disaster of some sort or run myself completely out of steam. Introductions and conclusions have just never been my strong point.

 That is partially why I benefit so much from a schedule that defines my activities and the way that I spend my time for me. When I can refer to my schedule and say "Oh dearest calendar, what must I do today?" and it can give me an answer I find it significantly easier to accomplish those things that I should. When left to my own devices I can wile away many an hour dithering over what I should do next and how I should spend my time, and when I do start up something it tends to be one of those things that manages to absorb a great deal of my time without actually providing any great benefit (such as Facebook, email, and video games). When graced with the strict, unyielding rigidness of a set in stone schedule I am able to hit the notes and fulfill my duties in a much more timely and effective manner.

This summer has been a truly remarkable summer, but it has (by and large) be extremely sporadic. I've worked about eight hours a week and that has given a couple days out of the week some sense of order and there have been a few times when I've gone a trip someplace where the goings on of that location have helped me organize and order my comings and goings, but for the majority of the summer I have acted (or failed to act) based on a whim and without a whole lot of diligence on my part. By now I am going to bed far too late and getting up in the same manner. Certain things that I really could have, and probably should have, done this summer ended up just not happening because I didn't find a way to work them into my daily routine... making a daily routine in the first place probably would have helped with that.

In just over a week the freedom and frivolousness of summer shall be gone and I will dive into a new schedule that promises to not allow me any wiggle room in which I can waste away time that could be better spent doing other things. In just over a week I enter the era of the sophomore and I once again will start serving my vocation as a college student. As I attempt to juggle six classes/eighteen credits with what now amounts to anywhere between 15 and 20 hours of work each week as a math tutor, student instructor (in a math class), and a performance usher I think the times in which I have to question what I should do next will be few and far between.

Don't get me wrong though. I'm not complaining and I'm not trying to brag. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to handle the work load (I wouldn't have taken it on if I didn't) and I am fully aware of the fact that there are a lot of people who are a lot more strapped for time than me and have to work a lot harder. I figure that between my jobs and school schedule it will be comparable to a slightly more demanding than average full time job and I'm fine with that. I'm actually pretty happy about it.

Like I was saying, I need a pretty compact schedule in order to make sure I'm using my time wisely. I really needed this summer after the last school year, but now I really need the order of another school year after this summer. Instead of getting stressed out over the fact that I have so much I'll have to do I'm learning to appreciate just how blessed I am to have all of these opportunities. The fact that I even have the option to do what I'm doing is an incredible gift. Many of the concerns that weigh on the hearts and minds of my peers and classmates aren't things that I have to worry about.

Between my parents, my school, and the government I've been given the opportunity to completely throw myself into my studies and work without having to worry about where I'm going to sleep or when I'm going to eat. I'm working hard to try and be financially responsible but I'm not dealing with the stress of how to pay the bills or where I'm going to find the money to pay for dem lovely school books My response to anyone commenting on how much work I'd doing this year will be the same as it was last school year. I'm only taking advantage of the situation I've been put in.

To not take as many classes as I am or to turn down the work opportunities I've been given feels like it would be entirely irresponsible. I'm not working hard and doing well because I'm such a great person. I'm working hard and doing as well as I am because I've been surrounded by people who have my back and are taking care of the hard things for me. The handful of times over this summer when I've fretted about whether or not I'm going to be able to handle this semester have been the times when I've been acting particularly selfish and lazy. My parents are working an 'ell of a lot harder than I am and they didn't get a summer off. My brother finishing up his Master's didn't really get what you would call a break either. He's working more hours than I am while still going to school and he's got a wife and daughter to care for in addition to the rent to pay and a car to maintain. I've got classmates trying to juggle the duties of being a single parent, working their jobs, and going to school all at the same time. The amount of work I have to do pails in comparison to theirs because I'm doing what I'm doing by choice and because I have the freedom to do so. My dad can't decide that his job is just a little to stressful and let his boss know that he can't work as many hours because he has a family to take care of. Almost every time I interact with either of my bosses they let me know that I'm a student first (I work on campus) and they'll work my work schedule around me school one. Most people don't have that kind of an opportunity.

I'll probably have to work pretty hard this semester, but by all rights I should be working a lot harder and no matter how much effort I put in there is someone who is undoubtedly working harder.

The work I will do is a blessing for which I should be incredibly thankful and that I only can do because of the work of those who are watching out for me.

Wait a minute... huh... that sounds kind of familiar actually. Sounds oddly like, oh I dunno, maybe the story of everyone's life actually.

See, the fact is that with the exception of one incredibly exceptional individual, no one ever anywhere is or has been able to work as hard as they should have to, and all the good that you are ever able to accomplish in life simply pales in comparison to what is supposed to be required. Why? Because we're all fallen, sinful human beings with a whole lot of baggage that makes all of our "hard work" nothing but filth and rags.

In the face of the Law we're presented with a very long list of things that we are supposed to do and that we should be working on that we can never hope to complete. The schedule that the Law gives us would require a whole lot more than 24 hours a day and 7 days a week to meet. God's Law demands that we be perfect and flawless in every possible way. It demands that we never, ever slip up or make a mistake. Eighteen credit hours and twelve hour shifts look like a tuppence in comparison the workload we are presented in the Ten Commandments.

But here's the thing. Just as I don't have to worry about making sure I have food to eat or a bed to sleep in, and just as my parents are watching out and taking care of me while I carry out my studies, each and everyone of us has our backs covered and our burdens taken out of our hands by someone. Christ's death and resurrection served as the ultimate Financial Aid packet to completely cover all expenses and free us from the crushing workload that the Law dumps in front of us.

We do not need to spend our days endlessly worrying about whether or not we are working hard enough or trying hard enough to fulfill our duties and responsibilities because they've already been fulfilled and taken care of. The projects are done, the papers are written, the fridge is full, and the roof isn't leaking. The debts are paid and the creditors won't come calling. As long as we rest under the protective shadow of the Gospel the Law cannot touch us.

However, just as it would be completely disrespectful and irresponsible for me to take advantage of my parent's generosity and compassion and just live in their basement while mooching off their food and funds, the fact that our debts have been paid and our expenses covered does not give us a free ticket to just do whatever we want to do. Christ has freed us from the bonds of sin so that we might be free to do good works and benefit others.

If I were to slack off in my classes or not show up to work I would be totally disrespecting everyone that has worked hard to give me the opportunities I have been given. Sure I may not be desperate for the money from my jobs and if my parents are letting me live at home I may not really need to worry about getting through college and getting a job, but after all the sacrifices that my parents have made to get me where I am and after the generosity and support that my professors and bosses have show how could I justify giving them a metaphorical slap to the face by ignoring my vocation and duties.

Christ died for us and set us free, not so we could throw off all responsibility and run wild like hooligans but so that we could, in the confidence of the Gospel, fulfill our vocations for the betterment of ourselves and those around us. If you were a debtor, owing a great deal of money, and someone came along and paid off all of your debts, would you not desire to show your thanks by never getting into that position again? Sure, you aren't required to work hard or pay them back because they did what they did out of grace and mercy and they are likely to d it again if necessary, but wouldn't you want to show your gratitude and thanks for their generosity by taking advantage of the gift they gave you and the freedom you then would have to actually work hard and earn your own keep?

The freedom that we have been given by the Gospel should encourage and invigorate us to work hard and to help others; to use that freedom as a means of showing our appreciation and as a way to improve the lives of others and not as an excuse to cop out and take a nap. We don't HAVE to pay off any debts anymore because they've been paid but if you have the chance or the ability then why wouldn't you then show the same grace and mercy to others that you have been shown by helping to ease the loads of others. Good works are good because they are done in freedom and for the sake, not of yourself, but of others.

I'm going to try my very best this semester, not because I'm a spectacular person or because I think that I'm going get myself ahead in the world through my own efforts, but because I've been given the opportunity. There is nothing significant about me that makes me better than any of my other classmates who are more limited in what they are able to do except that I have been given the chance to do more. I can hope and pray that I'll manage to live up to the gifts that I've been given, but honestly, I know I won't. I'm gonna mess up. I'm probably going to forget or fail to do something when I should and I'm definitely going to be lazy when I should be working, but because I know that even when I fall my parents and friends will be there to help me back up on my feet, I can boldly push forward and attempt to tackle the trials set before me even though I know I'll probably falter.

In the same way, I'm going to try my vest best to do what's right in life. I'm going to make a whole lot of mistakes (I've made what feels like more than enough already.) but I can forge ahead and keep trying anyway because I know that I'm already covered and my debts are already paid and at this point I don't need to worry about whether I'm standing on a foundation of sand or stone. I can face uncertainty with confidence and make what I believe to the right choice and the choice that is best for those around me, because I don't have to fret over whether or not I'll be safe.

No, I may not be the most eloquent of writers and you may be wondering how I got from where I started to where I am not, but hey, I told you beginnings and ending's weren't my strong point. Thankfully, I don't have to worry about this being perfect and I wrote this because it seemed like something worth writing and not because I was expecting to create a masterpiece.

Good luck to you all as you pursue your own vocations and duties, whether they be similar to mine or completely different and live in the comfort of Gospel and the Resurrection and not in the fear of the world. That schedule, as tough as it may seem, is nothing compared to the one that you've been freed from.

Pax